


Little Stars

by Practically-pearlfect (Madam_Violet)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Gen, Kinda, Reincarnation, fic of a fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-10-26 14:33:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17747660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madam_Violet/pseuds/Practically-pearlfect
Summary: Please, read Reverberations by ThatDastardCerberus first.Following Steven's last wish, the Crystal Gems have accepted to adopt and raise the four hybrid children born from the Diamonds' gems. But as the little girls grow up loved and carefree, some questions cannot be ignored anymore.





	1. Nila

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThatDastardCerberus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatDastardCerberus/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Reverberations (OLD)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17558606) by [ThatDastardCerberus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatDastardCerberus/pseuds/ThatDastardCerberus). 



> I'd like to thank ThatDastardCerberus for letting me borrow her original characters. I promise to take care of them UwU !  
> Sorry if they're different from the original story, I still don't have enough elements, and I wanted to add my headcanons.  
> I guess you can read this as the AU of an AU.

Garnet parked the car in front of the small music school and peeked from the window, watching the human teenagers come out by small groups. She finally spotted Nila, almost the last one exiting the building, chatting with another kid. The Gem smiled to herself and watched carefully. She liked observing the girls interacting with other children of their age. It was pleasant to see how well integrated to human society they were. Of course they were sweet girls at home too, the Crystal Gems had raised them with love and care, and they were giving so much in return. Four intelligent and loving daughters who made Garnet proud. But she wondered how much of their perception was warped by the knowledge of their past lives. They had more or less conscious expectations outsiders didn't have when it came to their personalities and behaviours.

  
Nila looked like the shy and discreet girl she usual was, rather tall and already pretty curvy for a 14 years old. Except she was giggling and bouncing, an expression of pure glee on her delicate face. She was wearing a long blue dress made of light chiffon with a short denim vest. Always blue, since she was old enough to choose. Her long black hair was tied with a blue velvet ribbon, flowing as she moved around. She was lively and healthy looking. Her general clothing style and attitude reminded Garnet of a 1990s teenager. There was something charming and old fashioned about her sweet and yet natural femininity.

  
Suddenly, one of the girls pointed towards Garnet's car and Nila turned around quickly. Her expression changed at the moment she met the Crystal Gem's eyes and she picked her stickers covered violin case. She politely said goodbye to her friends and hurried to the parking lot.

  
“Hi, Garnet ! Did I make you wait ?”

  
The Gem smiled.

  
“Don't worry, you can take all your time. I'm glad you have made friends.”

  
The girl beamed politely and got inside the car, putting the violin case on the back seat. Garnet started the car and excited the park lot, driving slowly through Ocean Town. Next to her, Nila sat in silence, staring by the window with melancholic eyes. The fusion knew it was normal for human children of her age to be brooding, but the young girl worried her a little. She had always been more emotional and sensitive than her sisters, and often had this sorry look on her face, as if she thought of herself as a burden.

  
“You know, if you want to stay a bit with your friends after the violin classes, you can text me and I'll pick you when you're done.”

  
Nila turned around, visibly startled.

  
“No, it's okay. They were waiting for their parents too.”  
“What I meant is that you can ask if you need us to take you anywhere.”  
“Thank you, Garnet, but I don't want to waste your time.”

  
Garnet shook her head and smile.

  
“You are probably the less demanding of all of your sisters.”  
“We already give you so much work. Seren is always invited at parties and causing trouble at school, and Xanthe has clubs and cram school almost everyday.”  
“That's why you deserve to be treated too.”  
“I don't deserve anything” Nila snapped in a cold voice that surprised even herself.

  
Putting her hands on her mouth, she apologised and started crying. Garnet sighed and turned at the corner of the street, taking the opposite direction from Beach City.

  
“Where are we going ?” Nila asked.  
“To the mall, to get you this tea you love, and maybe some cute stickers.”  
“Why ?”  
“Because I want to spend a moment with you alone.”

  
Unsurprisingly, Nila kept crying, bigger tears running on her pale cheeks. Garnet shivered and lifted a hand on her own face, making sure she wasn't crying too, but it was just an illusion. Human-Gem hybrid were still a new territory, especially artificially made ones. Unlike Steven, they weren't a mix of authentic organic DNA and Gem programming. Unlike Steven, they weren't fully new individuals. Their Diamond heritage was radiating from their whole beings, already visible on their young faces and slowly maturing voices, and recognisable in their personalities. How much as Garnet tried not to think of Nila as a tiny Blue Diamond, her wide, drooping electric blue eyes and long fluffy hair didn't lie. So was her voice, more and more similar to the one who had once pronounced a death sentence for Ruby. But she wasn't allowed to be angry or resentful. Nila was innocent and didn't deserve any of it. She only deserved to be protected and raised loved and carefree.

  
“Here we are” Garnet said as she parked the car.

  
Nila stepped out and followed her guardian silently, her shoulder slumped and head bowed. Garnet repressed her intrusive bad memories and lead the girl to the tea parlour.

  
“The usual order, please. One black coffee and one pear flavoured bubble tea with tapioca and chocolate topping.” Garnet said to the waitress.

  
Nila nodded and forced a tired smile on her lips. When the waitress delivered the order, Garnet gave her a tip for the extra chocolate candy and blue straw. She said nothing, waiting for the teenager to talk on her own. Garnet was a patient Gem, she took it from Sapphire's side. Observing Nila's body language wasn't uninteresting. The girl was sipping her tea little by little, mainly playing with the tapioca beads at the bottom of her transparent cup. She was slightly taller than Xanthe, and yet, her posture and shyness made her look shorter. Two loose strands of hair framed her face, almost hiding her eyes as she was focused on the cup. Actually, her eyes were probably the only physical trait that might give her true nature away. With no gem visible and her otherwise natural looking features, only her eyes were slightly too bright. Sometimes, Garnet wondered if her pupils weren't slightly diamond shaped, of if it was just an optical illusion caused by her imagination.

  
“Nila, is there anything on your mind ?”  
“I'm okay, Garnet, stop acting like you care.”

  
Again, this cold, snapping voice. Inside her head, the fusion could feel Ruby getting impatient and Sapphire's cold anger. But she was neither of them and together they knew how to deal with frustrating situations.

  
“We must have made a lot of mistakes if you think we don't care about you.”

  
Nila's whole body tensed and she started crying again, sobbing loudly this time. Garnet didn't care if people stared at them, she just waited patiently for the girl to compose herself.

  
“I-I'm sorry, Garnet. You never did anything wrong. You've always taken care of us like a true mother, all of us.”  
“Yet you feel unwanted. My future vision is blurry when it comes to you four. If you want me to help you, you have to tell me everything.”

  
The teen shook her head frantically and Garnet didn't insist. Instead, she got on her feet and prompted the girl to do so. They left the tea parlour, Nila still nibbling her straw, only half of the beverage consumed. The Gem took her to a small shop selling all sorts of knick knacks, hair clips and cheap glitter make up. A full section was dedicated to whatever mascot currently trending in playgrounds and Nila shyly eyed at the stationary.

  
“You can chose whatever you want, as long as it's not the three feet tall plush up there” Garnet said with a smile.

  
Nila looked at the suspiciously and she picked a small sack of star shaped holographic glitters.

  
“I could make another glitter jar for Blanca. I saw a very nice tutorial on Tube Tube.”  
“I meant something for you.”

  
The girl shrugged.

  
“Why do you want to buy me a present anyway ?”

  
Garnet sighed and picked a teary eyed seal from the plushes shelf.

  
“I buy things for your sisters all the time, you know. And generally, they smile and say thank you.”

  
Nila shot a killing glance to Garnet and the Gem regretted being so cold. She was only a child, and she didn't feel well. It wasn't as if she usually was ungrateful or bratty. She paid for the plush anyway, her future vision telling her it would be appreciated later today. Nila took the stuffed animal reluctantly and started sobbing again.

  
“It's always like this” she finally whispered. “You always buy me more presents, give me more hugs, congratulate me more when I have a good grade at school.”  
“It's wrong, Nila. I treat all of you equally.”  
“You don't !” she snapped. “You don't need to force yourself to love them, but with me it's different. Since I'm a baby you have spoiled me more because you feel guilty for hating me !”

  
Garnet froze in shock as the usually timid creature exploded in the middle of the crowded mall. Removing her visor, she felt tears running on her cheek, and she was unable to say if it was the little Diamond's aura or her own emotions. Before she could even use her future vision, she had scooped the girl and held her with a single arm. She might no be a child anymore, she was still a tiny pebble compared to the fusion. Nila didn't protest being held like this, instead she threw her arms around Garnet's neck and buried her face against her shoulder.

  
“Nila, I often feel the same about you.”  
The girl lifted her head and gave a quizzical look to Garnet.  
“Since you were a baby, you've always acted like you somewhat feared me and needed to get on my good side.”

  
Garnet pulled her wallet from her bag and opened it, revealing several family pictures and amongst them, a folded paper, made yellowish by the years. She unfolded it and revealed a crude child's drawing of a red and a blue figure.

  
“It's Ruby and Sapphire ! Did you keep this old drawing with you all the time ?” Nila marvelled as she folded the precious paper and held it back to Garnet.  
“I value it a lot.”

  
The girl nuzzled against her shoulder, tears still running from her eyes. Garnet smiled and ruffled her hair. She hadn't be able to hold Xanthe in her arms for years and Seren was becoming self aware enough to avoid public manifestation of affection. But Nila has always been the baby of the family and it felt somewhat good to still be a rock for one of them.

  
“Xanthe says it's a secret and I can't tell anyone” she muttered with her soft voice.  
“What is a secret ?” Garnet asked with a sudden worry. “Please, you must tell me if something is wrong. Otherwise I won't be able to protect you.”

  
Nila shook her head and started wailing again.

  
“It's not Blanca's fault, Garnet. She has been having those dreams for a while and she wanted to tell an adult, but Xanthe said if she did you would abandon us.”

  
Garnet frowned and Nila seemed to shrink even more in her arms.

  
“Don't be mad at her, she just wanted to protect us. She says it's her role to make sure nothing bad happens.”  
“Off course I won't get mad at Xanthe. She's a good-hearted girl and she's too brave for her age. But where did she take those silly ideas from ?”  
“It's because of this horror movie..."

Garnet sighed.  
“You pebbles are too young for those kind of movies. Where did you even watched it ?”  
“It's a secret too, and if I told you you would get really mad.”  
“Right, I don't want to know. What was this film ?”  
“The one about the strange little girl who cursed people with the old tapes. She didn't meant to make them suffer, she just wanted to be listened. She didn't want to make anyone sad...”

  
This time, Nila unleashed her aura at its full power and Garnet hurried to take her outside of the mall before she caused a commotion.

  
“It's just a movie. We love you no matter what, even if your powers get a bit out of control. Gem hybrids like you need time to adapt.”  
Nila nodded.  
“But what about Blanca's dreams ?”  
“Both Seren and Blanca have very strong psychic powers. It can be scary, but they'll learn how to control them.”  
“I'm not talking about those kind of dreams” the girl muttered.

  
Garnet tensed at the implication. Of course they had always knew it would happen some day. Seren and Blanca were the most precocious, but soon Nila and Xanthe would follow. Until now, their programming had only showed through general traits of personality, or little quirks.

  
“You don't have to be scared” Garnet soothed her. “You will probably experience very realistic dreams, and plenty of memories will awaken. Probably not all of them, your organic brains couldn't handle millennia of data. But you'll get older and more experimented with life. I know you will be able to live with that, because you won't be alone. You have each others, and you have us if we can do anything to help.”  
“Blanca says it will change everything.”  
“It won't. We know where you come from, what is your story, and we have our reasons for taking you in. When your memories return, it will probably change a lot of things for you and I wish it never happened, but for us it won't change anything about the way we love you.”

  
Nila snuggled closer against Garnet, wiping her eyes with her new plush. She looked so young. Fourteen years old was a ridiculous age for a Gem, of course. But she would soon stop being so young, when millennia of memories would flow back. The idea of this little bundle of love becoming a receptacle for Blue Diamond's memories almost made Ruby unfuse. “But she's always been Blue Diamond” Sapphire answered quietly.

  
“So you won't hate me ?”  
“Never, baby girl, never.”

  
Garnet put a soft kiss on the girl's forehead and she saw blurry glimpses of the future. Smiles and laughters, eating pizzas together and screaming on the roller-coaster. Things as they had always been.

  
“You are very special to me, Nila. You will understand why one day.”  
“I love you, Garnet.”  
“I love you too, more than you can even imagine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wonder who showed The Ring to the girls, it's Lapis Lazuli, of course.


	2. Xanthe

Bismuth was polishing her last creation, a double edged sword designed for poofing any Gem in a single hit, when she heard a muffled noise at the entrance of the forge. Without lifting her yes, she commented in a casual sing song voice  
“Hmm, it seems I have a Pebble infestation again.”

At those words, a small blond head poked from behind a beam, a sheepish smile on her lips, but fire in her shining golden eyes.

  
“Why did you pick a fight, this time, and who's going to kick your butt ?”  
The teenager walked in the room, her arm crossed in a way she probably though menacing, but that made Bismuth want to ruffle her pointy hair with her large hand.  
“Garnet is a clod and it's your butt she's going to kick.”

  
Bismuth chuckled and indulged herself in ruffling the child's hair, only earning a killing glance.

  
“Language, young lady ! You kiss your moms with this mouth. And what have I done to be on Garnet's butt-kicking list ?”  
“She thinks it's your fault if I want to become a Crystal Gem.”  
“And is it a bad thing ?” the blacksmith asked with a wink.

  
Xanthe's moodiness disappeared in an instant and a wide smile crossed her lips. Stars, this little creature knew how to get her ends.

  
“Please, tell Garnet she can take me on Gem missions !”  
Bismuth chuckled, earning another indignant look from the tiny Diamond.  
“You're barely the size of two Aquamarines and a Pebble.”  
“And ? Peridot is shorter and no ones gives her for a mission to clean her room and make sure Seren did her homework !”  
“Those are priority assignments, Crystal Gem Xanthe Universe” Bismuth said with a mock salute.  
“Stop making fun of me !” the girl whined with all the power her young and slightly high pitched Yellow Diamond voice.

Bismuth refrained herself from laughing. She didn't want to be mean to the child. The whole Diamond-children situation was funny in itself, but Xanthe and the other three Era 3 mini tyrants were good kids and the old Crystal Gem would never make fun of them. She had taken a fondness to this on in particular. Xanthe was a cheeky, daredevil brat who didn't take no for an answer and had a huge sense of duty for such a young thing. She would make a great Crystal Gem, one day.

“Peridot is an adult, you are only 15 years old. At your age, school and having fun should be your priorities.”  
“I am the number one student in my promotion, and maybe poofing upper-crusts with my very bare hands is my idea of fun !”  
Bismuth burst into a thunder-like laugh and swiped a few tears from the corner of her eyes.  
“I'm not sure showing we've got an over powered kiddo in our ranks would be a wise move.”  
“I'm not a kiddo !”  
“You are only 15, in Gem age you are an infant.”  
“Stop calling me a child !” the girl yelled with a booming voice “Steven was barely 15 when he saved the Earth !”  
Bismuth opened wide eyes and Xanthe put her hands on her mouth, shocked by her own words.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean...”  
“It's okay, Xanthe.”  
But the teenager froze and tears ran from her eyes. Bismuth stood up and gave her a pat on the shoulder.  
“It's okay, you can cry. Tough Gems cry too.”

  
At those words, the girl began sobbing and threw her arms around Bismuth. The larger Gem hugged her back. It was very rare for Xanthe to ask for physical displays of affection. Little Blue would snuggle with any of the Crystal Gems at any moment of the day, even at her age, Little Pink was quite a cuddle bug too when she was in the mood, and even the creepy doll had her needy moments. After all, hybrid children didn't grow like regular humans and they were still infants at their scale. But Xanthe was always acting older than she really was. Bismuth knew she would never have cried in front of anyone else, and she felt strangely honoured.

  
“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said this name...”  
“You did nothing wrong, little buddy. Who told you about Steven ?”  
“Amethyst, but she told me to hold my tongue. Why do you have secrets from us ? Aren't we a family ?”  
“We are, but some topics are very painful to all of us.”  
Xanthe sighed.  
“I'm sorry. I was just wondering, will you forget our names too when we won't be there anymore ?”

  
Bismuth pushed gently the girl away and looked at her in the eyes, those big golden eyes full of anger and confusion.

  
“First of all, we haven't forgotten Steven. We think about him everyday and it hurts so much”  
“I'm sorry, Bismuth.”  
“You don't have too. You girls have nothing to do with his death.”  
“But we do, righ ? In a way or another we're linked to him.”  
“You're quite the clever one, Xanthe. Please, don't think about this, you are too young and the truth will come soon enough.”  
“And when we'll go, will you replace us ?”

  
Bismuth's jaw clenched.

  
“You Pebbles aren't replacement fishes, no one can replace Steven, not even your sister.”  
“You mean Seren ?”  
“Stop interrogating me. And if everything goes right, you won't age and die like a regular human being.”  
“He was a hybrid too, right ?”  
“Yes, but not the same as you. Don't worry, Xanthe, you are still very young and you have all the time in the world to find your place.”

  
The girl nodded and Bismuth smiled at her.

  
“I remember when you were a tiny thing and you would crawl on my lap, asking me to tell you stories about the war. Pearl would tell me it wasn't safe for your age and she told me to read fairy tales instead.”  
“I hated those silly stories of princesses and talking animals” Xanthe remembered with a giggle.  
“You didn't like dolls and dresses either.”  
“Dolls are creepy. Especially when Blanca is playing mom.”  
“I feel for ya, girl.”  
“I don't want to be a decorative figure for the rest of my life. You understand, right, Bismuth ?”  
“I do. And you girls are so much more than pretty dolls. One day you'll all find your place.”  
“I know for sure I was made to protect them. I'm sure we all have a purpose. Nila is very good at understanding how people feel, Seren is making everyone around her happy and Blanca... I'm not sure what she is there for, but I know she's important.”  
“You are so much more than a so called purpose. You can do whatever you want with your life, Xanthe. It's what being a Crystal Gem means.”  
“I want to fight for the ones I love.”

  
Saying that, she took a pose and Bismuth chuckled. The more years went by, the more Xanthe gained in confidence and bravado. Soon she would reach her full potential and be a powerful fully formed Gem, probably showing an uncanny likeness to the Diamond she used to be. She would have those eyes of fire, this commending voice, and she would rule over armies of Crystal Gems. She would be logical, know no nonsense, but she would also be selfless and compassionate. When her powers and maybe memories would be back, she would become complete again, a Diamond in the ranks of the Crystal Gems. Bismuth wasn't sure what to think about all of that.  
But for the moment, Xanthe Universe was tall like two Aquamarines and a Pebble and she still had a homework mission to complete.

  
“Listen, kiddo, have I ever told you how Biggs and I saved Obsidian from a massive light monster of three prisms combined ?”  
“Prisms can combine their light ?”  
“Apparently they can.”  
And today, Bismuth would fill the little Yellow Diamond's head with more Crystal Gem stories, and nothing would keep the girl away from her dreams of fights and justice.


	3. Blanca

Pearl was driving back home, the car full of groceries. Now the girls were old enough to take care of themselves, she could afford taking more time. No more Seren throwing a tantrum for candy, Xanthe climbing on the shelves to get what she wanted or Nila weeping for hours at the sight of the dead fishes laying on a bed of ice and lemons.  
And when she opened the front door of the house with her foot, she also enjoyed seeing the living room clean and ordered. She felt somewhat ashamed to leave Blanca home, knowing very well the teenager would clean and order any little thing she found messy. 

“Bah, let the girl have fun” Amethyst had said, purposefully knocking a bowl of cereals from the table.  
“Amethyst, there's nothing fun about exploiting a child's OCD !”  
“Talk for you” the purple Gem answered with a devilish smirk.

Blanca was currently sitting at the coffee table, her whole attention focused on her coloring book. Pearl looked at her in silence for a few seconds. It was one of those adult coloring books full of intricate pictures, abstract mandalas and flower patterns. The girl was using a whole rainbow of pastels, giving her picture a fascinating shimmer, like the facets of an iridescent gem. Next to her neatly lined pencils, her favourite glitter jar was casting dazzling lights in the sun ray.

When the Gem put her bags on the floor, the girl slowly lifted her head and smiled serenely.

“Here you are, Pearl” she almost sang with her melodic voice.  
“Did you clean the kitchen in my absence ?”  
“The floor was dirty.”  
“Listen, honey, you don't have to do all this work by yourself.”

Blanca shrugged as she tried to hide a proud smile.

“I'm sixteen, in a few years I'll be old enough to get married.”

Pearl froze in her movement, her eyes widening.

“Don't be alarmed, Pearl” Blanca reassured her with a little giggle. “I'm not going a marry a human, they're short lived and unable to keep their form for long. But I noticed there are quite a few other Gem hybrids in Beach City and around, and amongst them some pretty nice looking boys.”

Pearl felt her face heating, and Blanca probably noticed the blueish blush crossing from one cheek to the other, as she smiled apologetically. 

“It's okay, you don't have to give me the talk” the teenager said with the same serene and somewhat unnerving voice. “Amethyst did it long ago.”

Pearl almost choked at the reveal.

“Seren was the most curious, but I do enjoy learning new things.”

This time, Pearl was pretty sure her whole face had gone sky blue. She didn't really fear for Blanca, the girl probably wouldn't try anything before the wedding night, but if her baby got it from Pink... she promised herself to brief Xanthe and maybe buy the girl's protection services with a new console or whatever she was into nowadays. 

“You have time to think about these things, little snowflake. And it's not because you are getting married some days you have to assume all the chores.”  
“I want to give my husband-to-be a perfect household. A good wife must always be pretty, pleasant and hard working.”  
“You are already all of these, and you should read more modern books.”

Blanca didn't answer and went back to her coloring book, shutting herself away like she always did when she felt destabilised. Pearl was feeling uneasy again, like she had before they had this talk a few years ago.

Her discomfort with Blanca had really begun when the girl was five. On a random day of summer, a delegation of Crystal Gems from an authoritarian system had asked for support, and against Pearl's and everyone else's wish, had come directly to the house. Pearl and Garnet had agreed it was better for the girls to be kept away from Gem things until they were older. Magic had a strong appeal to the already over-powered and unruly kids and seeing stranger Gems usually inspired them in their potentially destructive games. Luckily, this day Garnet had taken Seren, Xanthe and Nila to Funland. Only Blanca was home, as she had refused to go back to the fun fair after a clown had scared her out of her wits, to Amethyst's utter joy.  
The little girl was silently playing in a corner when a Sapphire and her Pearl knocked at the door. Pearl remembered the intense revulsion at the sight of the dark blue Pearl mirroring her owner's hair and clothing style. Not owner, companion, she had to correct herself. Even after Pearls ownership had been revoked, most of them had chosen to keep their old lifestyle. And to her deepest shame, Pearl knew she would have too, given the choice. Pearls were programmed for companionship and unless they were severely mistreated, they usually enjoyed serving their mistresses. This Pearl in particular didn't seem unhappy or in a bad situation, as her Sapphire was holding her hand and occasionally glancing at her with warm eyes.  
The sight of the slender Gem had made a great impression to the little girl, who had gotten on her feet and was admiring the newcomer with wide and starry eyes.

“Look, Pearl, she's a Pearl too !” she had exclaimed with this shameless surprise little children show when they face the unknown.

The Pearl had giggled, and after receiving a nod of approval from her Sapphire, bend and scooped the little girl. Blanca had squealed in delight and snuggled against the stranger, playing with the sheer ruffle on her shoulders. 

“You look so pretty, like a fairy.”  
The Pearl had smiled at the child, and she produced a fancy ribbon from her hand Gem. Blanca's eyes widen as she observed the magic trick. She let the stranger tie the glittery ribbon in her hair with great pride. Putting the little girl back on the couch, she took a music box from her Gem and started performing a little dance number just for her tiny audience. 

When the Sapphire and her Pearl left to meet with Bismuth, Blanca looked at Pearl with her unsettling eyes and declared with all her five year old seriousness

“When I grow up, I'm going to become a Pearl.”

Pearl had kept a straight face, but she remembered crying the whole evening, when Amethyst and the girls were in bed. Garnet had told her it was only a kid's fad, and Blanca had merely been impressed by the fancy outfit and pretty dance. She had suggested Pearl to give her ballet lessons.

But as the years went on, Blanca's obsession with Pearls hadn't changed. A few days after the fateful encounter, Peridot had crafted her a new doll with a characteristic pointy nose. The girl had loved the creepy thing so much, she was still carrying it around when the other ones had moved on from dolls long ago. If she wasn't a rational mind, Pearl would have sworn that nasty thing was cursed. It was entirely white with clothing and hair in greyscale, as Blanca seemed to prefer everything in black and white, especially movies and cartoons. All dolls were scary to the Gem, as they reminded her of the living sculptures of Homeworld, but a Pearl looking doll was another level of evil.

At the age of twelve, Blanca was still obsessed with black and white movies and she had started to get more seriously into history. She enjoyed reading about women of the old times, before feminism erased the traditional gender roles. She was also fascinated by the old religions and stern Victorian rules. These special interests were making Pearl more and more worried, especially since Blanca seemed to take all those nonsenses very seriously. 

One day, the discussion had became heated. Pearl couldn't exactly remember when it had gone wrong. At some point the young girl had told her on a tone of reproach she wasn't enough Pearl-like for a Pearl and she had probably answered something not that nice to the child she loved so much. She vaguely remembered calling her a disappointment and a shame for the Crystal Gems ideals. They were still screaming at each other when Garnet had warped back. 

“Please, Garnet, can you knock some sense into this Pebble's head ?”  
Garnet had nodded and taken the girl to the couch, wrapping her in a blanket.

“Listen, Blanca, you are old enough to understand many things. Your attitude is upsetting Pearl.”  
“I'm sorry, Garnet” the child had hiccuped between sobs.  
“It's okay, it's not your fault. There are many things you don't know, but you probably have guessed most of them. We all fought for freedom, and Pearl more than any of us.”  
“I know, she's very important and I should not have told her she's not fancy enough for a Pearl.”  
“It wasn't thoughtful of you, she fought hard to become who she is now.”

Blanca nodded, her pale cheeks rosy with shame.

“I was jealous, because I wish I was a Pearl.”  
“Maybe you are.”  
“I look a bit like one, but I don't have a Pearl's face. I don't even know what Gem I am.”  
“It doesn't matter, what Gem you were in another life.”  
“But I always thought I was a Pearl.”

Garnet frowned, intrigued by the girl's peculiar obsession.

“Why do you want to be a Pearl ?”  
“I love Pearls, I read a lot about them in old reports. They are always perfect, pretty and flawless. I know I can't become a real Pearl, of course, but when I grow up I want to become beautiful and elegant, and find a husband who treat me like one.”

Garnet nodded sternly. Pearl had already told her several times what was worrying her about the girl. Her obsession for the past, her fixations, her perfectionism. And more important, of all the children, she was the one who was taking the more direct path to her old mistakes. From the kitchen, Pearl was crying in silence.

Garnet sighed and put her hands on the little girl's shoulder, looking at her in the eyes with her glasses off.

“Is it what you really want, or what you think we are expecting from you ?”  
“I know it's not what you expect of me” Blanca almost whispered with a weak voice, very unusual for her who was so serene and determined. “You would like me to be more like my sisters.”  
“Blanca, we love you the way you are.”  
“I know, but I've noticed the pride in Amethyst's eyes when Seren gets in trouble, and I know how much hope Bismuth put on Xanthe's shoulders. And for reason I cannot exactly fathom yet, everything Nila does seem to make you incredibly happy.”  
“Blanca, you know you are loved as much as them. Since you are a tiny little thing Amethyst and you are inseparable, and Pearl has a stronger link with you than anyone else in this house.”

The girl gave a side glance to Pearl and nodded.

“I know, and I love them too. But I want to do my best and be as flawless as I can. It's not what you've taught us, it's not what Crystal Gems are about, but when I see something dirty or messy, I can't stand it. I can't stand not knowing what to do. Do you think I'm defective, Garnet ?”  
“No one is defective.”  
“Everyone around me have little flaws, they don't do everything perfectly, but they don't care. They decide what they think is good or bad and they can stand for it. But I can't, I don't know how to decide, everything is so big and so complicated.” 

The little girl was crying, now. Garnet scooped her and put her on her lap, letting her snuggle against her as she sobbed. 

“I'm too stupid to be a Crystal Gem.”  
“You are not stupid, Blanca. You are very smart, way too smart for your own good.”  
“Pearl says I read too many old book and my idea of good is warped by retrograde, toxic mindsets. I can't stand having flaws and not knowing what to do, but being flawless and obedient makes me a failure as a Crystal Gem, and a disappointment for Pearl.”  
“You are not a failure or a disappointment. You love us, right ?”

The girl nodded vigorously.

“Even Amethyst.”  
“Of course. She's annoying, but if she wasn't, she wouldn't be Amethyst.”  
“You don't want to force anyone to follow the rules you've set for yourself ?”  
“I suppose it would be nice living in a world were no one let the milk go overboard and don't clean behind, or being able to draw in silence without being interrupted by screams and giggles. But it's not how it work, and I'm not sure I would have fun if everyone was drawing in silence.”  
“That's the spirit” Garnet said, ruffling the girl's hair. “You are already a Crystal Gem.”  
“Even if I would have preferred being born in the past ?”  
“You know, many Pearls still live as Pearls used to live in the old days. Not only Pearls, but all sorts of Gems. It's not something you'll hear the Crystal Gems say often, but if there weren't any Gems wanting to fulfil their original purpose, the world would be pretty chaotic. Even us, we sometimes do what we're meant to do, but we know how to do other things, and we respect what others want to do with their lives. If you think you are a Pearl, then nobody is allowed to tell you you are not. Not even Pearl.”  
“So I am a Pearl ? I mean, my true Gem type.”  
“You are not a Pearl, but I guess it's a pretty close guess.”

Pearl stepped in the lounging area and threw her arms around Blanca and Garnet. She was crying loud and warm tears.

“I'm sorry, I didn't know I made you feel like a failure. I love you, Blanca, I only want your happiness.”  
“I love you too, Pearl, and I'm sorry for what I said. You are the best Pearl in the universe and I was just jealous of you.”  
“You don't have too. You are amazing too, and one day you'll be a perfect Pearl if it's what you want.”

Now Blanca was sixteen, and she was currently going through a vaguely gothic phase. She was currently wearing her favourite little black dress with white tight and a sheer cardigan. Her face was pale as always, but her dark brown lips and smokey eyes gave her the haunting look of a actress in some old expressionist movie. They only fancy touch was a big holographic bow in her hair, shining in the Sun and reflecting all sorts of colors.

“Do you want to dance with me when you're done with your coloring ? I could teach you old dances, and some Pearls stands and etiquette.”

The girl's eyes twinkled and a wide smile spread across her dark lips. As long as she was happy, Pearl would teach her everything she knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope my headcanons are not too far from the truth :^) !


	4. Seren

Seren was lying on her back, looking at the amber colored dusk sky from the lighthouse roof when she felt a drop of water dripping on her forehead. She rose up and nodded at Lapis Lazuli.

“Here you are” the Blue Gem said with her usual detached voice. “They've been looking for you everywhere.”

“I'm sorry” the girl answered softly. “I think I needed to be alone a moment.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Lapis sat by Seren's side and they watched the sky becoming darker in silence.

“Do you think they're resenting me ?”

“For what ? Moving out ? Isn't it what humans do at some point ?”

“I know, but If I had studied harder, I could have been accepted at Empire City nursing school.”

“What would have it changed ? It's just for three years, after all. After that you're free to move wherever you want. Nurses are wanted everywhere, after all.”

“Three years I'll be away from the girls. Nila was heartbroken when we received the rejection letter.”

“Nila is always whining, though.”

“Hey, that's not nice ! Well, she has an impressive capacity to produce water from her eyes, I bet you're a bit jealous of her skills !”

Lapis snorted and Seren giggled softly. She looked solemn on this late August evening, way too solemn for a quirky, bouncy little Pebble like her. 

“Seren, how do you really feel about it ? I mean, moving alone to Jersey.”  
“I don't know. Sure, Jersey isn't Empire City, but I've never really dreamed of the big metropolis. It was always Xanthe's dream to move there when we would be grown ups. I mean, Jersey is tough, but it's what I like about it. I want to be in a place where I can help people who really need it. Not that the Empire City people have no need for a magical nurse, but private hospitals and privileged neighborhood have more access to technology and experimented staff.”

“You really speak like him, sometimes.”

“I know, I'm sorry. Also, I think living alone can be good. Somewhere where I can be recognized for who I am, and not for who I used to be.”

“Understandable.”

“I think the girls need it too, but they still need to be together, if that makes sense. It's not that I want to run away from them, I love them and I'm going to miss them like heck, but I need space to really find out who I am.”

“Can't judge you for that.”

Seren enjoyed talking with Lapis. Sure, the ocean Gem wasn't very talkative, and she often said nothing except “yeah” and “hmm”, but there was something comforting about being around her. Also, she was the only one of the four Diamond girls she could actually stand. Well, to be fair, Lapis was more than baring Seren, she had a true fondness for the girl, or at least for what she represented in her mind. The girl knew it was quite bad of her to enjoy being the favorite, but her sisters received a lot of love too. Seren also felt like a duty to help Lapis accepting them in the family, and she had made a lot of progress with the years.

“Lapis, do you think I'm doing the same mistakes over again ?”

“What mistakes ?”

“Running away.”

“As long as you don't start a war...”

Seren nodded with a smile and jumped from the roof, floating slowly to the grass.

Making the same mistakes all over again... It was her greatest fear, their greatest fear. If she was honest, she knew she had it easier than her sisters. She had made her share of mistakes in the past, but they had only affected her family and a few close friends. She hadn't caused any destruction or deaths, not directly, anyway.

Sometimes she felt tears randomly soaking her cheeks at night, and she knew Nila was feeling unwell again. She would do her best to comfort her, but most of the time she made it worse. Garnet had a knack for making Nila better, and she was a bit worried for her sister when she wouldn't be able to snuggle against the tall fusion in the middle of the nigh. Xanthe wasn't the best to comfort people. 

In the living room, everyone was already there to say goodbye, and Seren felt a sudden rush of emotions. What had been an abstract idea a few minutes sooner was now a tangible reality. Her bags and suitcases were already in the van and her room had been half empty since the morning. That was one of the reasons why Seren had spent the day outside. She would probably get excited tomorrow, but right now she felt a bit melancholic. 

“Ah, Seren, here you are !” Pearl almost squealed.

“It's okay, we're only leaving tomorrow.”

“I know, Seren, I know.”

Pearl threw her arms around Seren and the girl tensed a little. 

“I'm just moving to Jersey, I'll be back every week end.”

As she talked, she felt tears blooming at the corners of her eyes. Nila burst into the room and joined the hug, holding back her aura as much as she could. Seren moved away from Pearl and smiled at her sister.

“Hey, it's okay, I'm back next week !”

“I know, but the house is going to be so empty without you.”

“It's not like we're going to stay here for long.” 

Seren lifted her eyes and saw Xanthe rolling her eyes as she leaned against the door frame. Her voice was strong an powerful, so similar from the one in her old memories, and her whole body language was relaxed and cool. Xanthe was always playing cool, with her rock star clothes and her long dreadlocks cascading in her back. 

Seren stuck her tongue, and Xanthe answered with an undignified face Peridot had taught them long ago. The blond girl had taken a lot of expressions and mannerisms from Bismuth and Peridot. 

“It's okay, Nila. Xanthe is right, in October you're going to Empire City. Isn't it cool ?”

Nila nodded halfheartedly and let her sister go. Today her eyes seemed a bit droopier than usual, and she had blueish bags under them. Seren felt a tingle of guilt in her stomach and, thank the Stars, Garnet came to her rescue.

“Isn't it exciting ? Tomorrow Seren will have her own home and she'll be able to invite us over. What about having a girls night next week end, just the three of you with no adults allowed !”

“Hey, we are adults !” Xanthe exclaimed with a pout.

“And I'm a ballet dancer” Bismuth replied with a warm laugh as she was passing the door. “ Stars, I can't believe you Pebbles are already leaving us. No one told me you would grow up so fast !”

Bismuth was smiling, but tears were forming in the corner of her eyes. Seren threw her arms around her, giving the strongest hug her forces allowed. 

“Hey, I'm glad you girls are going to school. You'll make a great nurse, Seren.”

The girl nodded and let go of Bismuth. Looking around, she couldn't see any trace of Blanca. Her sister wasn't very good with social gatherings. 

“Pancakes are ready” Pearl announced in a sing-song voice, creating a perfect opportunity for Seren to run upstairs, away from everyone's glances.

She knocked at Blanca's room, but after hearing no answer, she carefully pushed the door and was welcomed by a heavy silence and stiff air.

Blanca herself was lying on her bed, arms spread like a cross, a pale figure dressed in a tiny black dress on an immaculate white soft blanket. Unlike in all her sister's bedrooms, there weren't a speck of dust or a single book forgotten on the desk. The only fancy object visible was the old, but yet immaculate, Pearl doll lying on the pillow next to Blanca's head.

“Hi, Blanca” Seren whispered sheepishly.

“Hello, Seren. Everyone is here to bid you goodbye.”

“Don't be so dramatic, I'll be back before you know it.”

Blanca nodded, not moving of an inch. Seren sighed and sat on the bed, facing her stubborn sister. Her pitch black hair was forming a crown around her head, otherwise, she would have disappeared in the whiteness of her bed like a chameleon. 

“Hey, Blanca, it's okay.”

“No, it's not. You are leaving Beach City, and soon Nila and Xanthe will follow and I'll be alone.”

“You could come and live with me in Jersey.”

“Don't be silly, Seren. Jersey is grey, dirty and smells like gas and smoke.”

“Then you could ask the girls if you can come to Empire City with them in October.”

“I didn't chose to take online classes to move away. I'm staying in Beach City.”

“I know you are afraid of change, but things can't stay forever the way they are. Everything change, eventually.”

“It's just wrong. It's not how things should be. We are Gems, Gems don't change. It's not normal.”

Blanca's pale face was unnervingly stoic as she repeated the same things over and over like a mantra. Seren bent over her and stroke her hair softly.

“It's going to be okay. We're not moving far, you'll see us every week end. And you can come and visit us. We'll have super parties, I promise !”

“You know very much I don't like parties” Blanca chuckled, half laughing, half crying.

She jumped on her knees, almost knocking Seren out in a brutal hug. The girl hugged her back with glee. Physical contact with Blanca was so rare. 

“You still have all the Crystal Gems with you. You're going to be spoiled like a princess, you lucky brat !”

“I wish we could all live in Beach City forever.”

“Xanthe will probably go back one day, Humans are boring her and she'll never find a nerd like Peridot to understand her techno babble. And who knows, maybe you'll go too, one day. Isn't it your dream to start a new home with your husband ?”

Blanca smiled at the idea.

“I want to live in Beach City. And if I don't find a husband I'll get cats, lots of cats, and I'll invite my friends for tea everyday.”

“Then you should go out with us and make plenty of friends !”

“Hey, I have friends !”

“Your former Pearl doesn't count.”

“Do Blue and Yellow Pearl count ?”

“Okay, the Pearls count. How's your game nowadays ?”

Blanca smiled and produced her gamer's laptop from under the comforter, opening it to show her progress. Seren smiled when she saw her sister's wallpaper. It was them, and old picture taken in vacations a few years ago. She remembered it like it was yesterday, Pearl trying to take the perfect picture while Amethyst was making faces to make them laugh. There were 16, their memories hadn't resurfaced completely yet and it wasn't the best period of their lives. But on this picture, everyone looked so happy. A moment of perfection framed on the screen, all the dark secrets and memories buried underneath bright smiles and starry eyes.

Blanca opened her current project and threw a glance to the door.

“Will you come in, or do you want to stay behind the door the whole time ?” She asked pleasantly, but not without a tinge of sarcasm.

The door opened, revealing an embarrassed Xanthe followed by Nila who was smiling sheepishly. The girls stumbled into the room and exchanged a look with Seren before all jumping together on Blanca, drowning her in a big collective hug. 

Everything changed, but everything would always remain the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, ThatDastardCerberus for letting me play with your AU.  
> And thanks to everyone who read, gave kudos and commented.
> 
> I wrote this chapter listening to this song :  
> Turn Loose the Mermaids, Nightwish  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJS5g4-p3K4

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Hey! As told by Gems](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19193191) by [OneCoolCat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneCoolCat/pseuds/OneCoolCat)




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